ending this blog

I’m ending this blog.

When I started it, I felt unheard and misunderstood, and those feelings were heavy burdens I carried. After plenty of encouragement to write more, I hoped that “Such Is Life” would give me a platform to unburden myself, to say what I needed to say, and to make more public sense of my private experiences. I figured I had the scoop and just needed to let folks in on it.

Now, three years have passed, and I am embracing the notion that I’ve said enough for now, and there are two guiding thoughts that lead me to step away.

please forgive me

Please forgive me.

I haven’t known what to say here for a while now, so I figured I’d start with those words because this is the kind of thing you say when you realize that you’ve done the wrong thing.

Initially, I thought that so much needed to be said about what’s been happening, so much that I just didn’t know where to begin. I quickly realized though that I am easily overwhelmed by the constant supply of social media bombardment that is the sum total of friends and followers sharing their opinions and feelings about what’s happening. I have frequently tapped out from it all in order to manage my own care and focus, and I just allowed myself to embrace silence, to feel numb, to just be as I am in the moment.

power is always at play

For better or for worse, power is always at play.

An undergraduate mentor of mine enlightened me with these words several years ago. Although it may be weird to describe life in terms of power and there may be some confirmation bias at work, I continue to see this proven true time and time again.

I’m still grieving from the tragic deaths in recent news, and I keep on seeing varying power dynamics at play among civilians, protestors, news reporters, terrorists, police officers, elected leaders, etc. It just seems increasingly crucial to me that we recognize accurately how power is working.

man in the mirror

“I’m starting with the man in the mirror…”

I referenced that song early in my blog history. The previous post was about becoming an adult, and I, in very abstract fashion, described the process of growing up. It involved talk about change, budgeting money, and throwing out crappy boxes, and it was a lot. Pardon me if I lost you in those metaphors before.

Anyway, I mention this lyric now because I’ve been looking within myself given the recent series of tragedies; I ask myself: how am I REALLY contributing and responding to this world in which we live?

the next steps

Figuring out the next steps for me in this good ole life I’m living is a great big adventure.

I am trying to balance what I want to do, what I have to do, and what I am able to do all at the same time, and there is a swirling mix of feelings as I attempt to negotiate this balancing act. I’ve been really excited, hopeful, anxious, confused, disappointed, afraid, and the list goes on.

Right now, I think I feel uncertain because I just took a step of faith in a direction that does not clearly align with the road I’ve been traveling, and I don’t know exactly where it will lead. Allow me to explain.

even when you are different

“Even when you are different… Jesus loves you.”

That was one of the special messages this past week at my church’s Vacation Bible School, and I immediately thought about my experiences with gender and sexuality in this life I’m living. I couldn’t help but agree that I’m a bit different.

There are several words that I could use in place of “different.” It’s a nice reminder and encouragement to know that regardless of the chosen word, the statement is still accurate. Jesus still loves no matter what.

what i really want

I know what I really want.

It’s taken me some time, but I have known for a while now but have been unsure of how to articulate it and doubtful that others would understand, empathize, agree, etc. In the past, I have done a great job of writing in circles; hopefully, this is clear and straight to the point.

the importance of empathy

“The importance of empathy” is the title of the speech that never was.

I had sought to give this speech at my graduation ceremony (I just got my Masters in Counseling), but alas, I wasn’t selected. My counseling program is under UNCG’s School of Education, so the speech was written for an audience of educators. Of course, I made some minor adjustments given the shift in context for my blog, but the heart of the message and the spirit in which it was constructed are still the same. Special acknowledgments for all those who work in education!

Anyway, here’s the one insight I wanted to leave on that graduation day that I will leave here in its slightly revised form: the importance of empathy.

the struggle is real

The struggle is real.

I know it’s real because I can see it around me in countless images, and it’s disheartening for me to witness how some folks perpetuate more struggle. I get it though.

pursuit of holiness

My pursuit of holiness has been a dynamic and complex process of rising and falling, a process to which I committed right before my 13th birthday.

Back then, I would have described this pursuit in terms of being a good person and doing the right thing. There’s a scripture that says, “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness…” and that was me. I started reading my Bible beyond Sunday mornings, thinking about the meaning of worship songs, and sharing my faith with others.

By high school, several kids had deemed me “the church boy,” one of whom I will call John.