ending this blog

I’m ending this blog.

When I started it, I felt unheard and misunderstood, and those feelings were heavy burdens I carried. After plenty of encouragement to write more, I hoped that “Such Is Life” would give me a platform to unburden myself, to say what I needed to say, and to make more public sense of my private experiences. I figured I had the scoop and just needed to let folks in on it.

Now, three years have passed, and I am embracing the notion that I’ve said enough for now, and there are two guiding thoughts that lead me to step away. Continue reading


being black and queer

Y’all, being Black and queer in the United States is no easy feat.

Of course, there are more identities at work within me, but it’s these two that have been more relevant lately. The recent racist terrorism primarily directed at Black churches in the South and the biblically inspired opposition to the legalization of marriage equality have hit very close to home.

Needless to say, I’m also a Christian, so these two weren’t just knocking on my front door—they were sitting with me in the bed! Continue reading

i choose you

“I choose you.”

Those words left my mouth as I drove home, having left behind me another opportunity to compromise my relationship with God. This particular opportunity involved sex with someone who is becoming increasing special and significant to me; the temptation to take something for my own pleasure and fulfillment is REAL.

Let me back up though because this post is less about the whole “waiting until marriage” thing and more about making significant choices. Continue reading

i believe i can fly

I believe I can fly.

Over a year ago, I shared here that I was in a cocoon, and since then, I’ve sought to share in so many ways how I am changing completely. However, this change isn’t trivial or superficial– this is metamorphosis. This is me transforming from a grounded caterpillar into a liberated butterfly. It’s kind of a big deal.

Well now, I have exited the cocoon, and I am me. I see myself and think “This is me as I was created to be. This is me becoming who I have always been. This is REALLY me.”

Continue reading

even when you are different

“Even when you are different… Jesus loves you.”

That was one of the special messages this past week at my church’s Vacation Bible School, and I immediately thought about my experiences with gender and sexuality in this life I’m living. I couldn’t help but agree that I’m a bit different.

There are several words that I could use in place of “different.” It’s a nice reminder and encouragement to know that regardless of the chosen word, the statement is still accurate. Jesus still loves no matter what. Continue reading

what i really want

I know what I really want.

It’s taken me some time, but I have known for a while now but have been unsure of how to articulate it and doubtful that others would understand, empathize, agree, etc. In the past, I have done a great job of writing in circles; hopefully, this is clear and straight to the point. Continue reading

one more revelation

I have one more revelation to share about why I am deliberately not identifying as heterosexual.

Right now, I want to focus specifically on the value Christians place on being heterosexual because that continues to be a major game changer that is impacting countless numbers of people.

It’s needless to describe on so many obvious grounds, but I’m explaining it so that I can be clear when I renounce it. Continue reading

the typical guy

I often find myself saying I’m not the typical “guy’s guy” and that could mean a lot of things. It’s probably more accurate and less confusing to just say this: I’m not the typical guy.

I shared this once before when explaining how wrong people can be when it comes to misunderstanding me. I also shared before that I do not identify myself based on my sexual attractions, interests, behaviors, etc.; I would not say that I am heterosexual, homosexual, or any of those labels.

I mention these two together because I think gender plays a major role in how people understand who people are, particularly when it comes to people’s perceptions and concepts of sexuality. This has definitely persisted as a reality for me; gender has impacted how I’m understood from my beginning. Continue reading

love and holiness

I think that love and holiness have to go together.

I believe that either one apart from the other is far less than the two united together.

If I were to reframe the thought that love and holiness have to go together, I would say that I think there has to be a space where we care about people and where we live according to a standard. Continue reading

when people ask

I like it when people ask me questions and are genuinely interested in what I have to say.

When I was in middle school, classmates would often ask me “are you gay?” in between periods, during lunch, on the school bus, really anywhere time would allow. Though I don’t believe they meant harm, it often felt like they just wanted to confirm their rumors and suspicions of me and my non-heterosexuality based on my less than masculine qualities.

I hated it every time. Continue reading