ending this blog

I’m ending this blog.

When I started it, I felt unheard and misunderstood, and those feelings were heavy burdens I carried. After plenty of encouragement to write more, I hoped that “Such Is Life” would give me a platform to unburden myself, to say what I needed to say, and to make more public sense of my private experiences. I figured I had the scoop and just needed to let folks in on it.

Now, three years have passed, and I am embracing the notion that I’ve said enough for now, and there are two guiding thoughts that lead me to step away. Continue reading

not knowing

I’m slowly becoming more okay with not knowing the future more definitively.

As I’ve reflected more recently, I’ve realized that I stopped making concrete plans for my life because all of the major plans I’ve made thus far have been significantly revised or completely abandoned in response to major events beyond my control.

It’s left me with mixed feelings about the notion of needing to plan my life. Continue reading

being black and queer

Y’all, being Black and queer in the United States is no easy feat.

Of course, there are more identities at work within me, but it’s these two that have been more relevant lately. The recent racist terrorism primarily directed at Black churches in the South and the biblically inspired opposition to the legalization of marriage equality have hit very close to home.

Needless to say, I’m also a Christian, so these two weren’t just knocking on my front door—they were sitting with me in the bed! Continue reading

please forgive me

Please forgive me.

I haven’t known what to say here for a while now, so I figured I’d start with those words because this is the kind of thing you say when you realize that you’ve done the wrong thing.

Initially, I thought that so much needed to be said about what’s been happening, so much that I just didn’t know where to begin. I quickly realized though that I am easily overwhelmed by the constant supply of social media bombardment that is the sum total of friends and followers sharing their opinions and feelings about what’s happening. I have frequently tapped out from it all in order to manage my own care and focus, and I just allowed myself to embrace silence, to feel numb, to just be as I am in the moment. Continue reading

beyond this life

I have hope for justice beyond this life.

There’s a persistent sense of unfulfilled desire that I recognize inside me lately. It’s hard to capture it with words and is easily mistaken for other feelings that come with the unmet expectations I have.

This feeling though is bigger than I am. It’s bigger than life right now, and I’m reminding myself (and maybe others) that something that great can exist. Continue reading

having sex

Since I’ve stopped waiting until marriage, I’m learning more about (not) having sex.

My previous post on this topic yearned for a renewed perspective on sex, one that could be tested and pass. For me, this has meant unlearning and relearning how to approach celibacy beyond mere abstinence from sex outside marriage.

To do this with greater maturity, honesty, and integrity, I’m focusing on living my life as the person God created me to be. Here’s some of what I’ve been learning. Continue reading

power is always at play

For better or for worse, power is always at play.

An undergraduate mentor of mine enlightened me with these words several years ago. Although it may be weird to describe life in terms of power and there may be some confirmation bias at work, I continue to see this proven true time and time again.

I’m still grieving from the tragic deaths in recent news, and I keep on seeing varying power dynamics at play among civilians, protestors, news reporters, terrorists, police officers, elected leaders, etc. It just seems increasingly crucial to me that we recognize accurately how power is working. Continue reading

man in the mirror

“I’m starting with the man in the mirror…”

I referenced that song early in my blog history. The previous post was about becoming an adult, and I, in very abstract fashion, described the process of growing up. It involved talk about change, budgeting money, and throwing out crappy boxes, and it was a lot. Pardon me if I lost you in those metaphors before.

Anyway, I mention this lyric now because I’ve been looking within myself given the recent series of tragedies; I ask myself: how am I REALLY contributing and responding to this world in which we live? Continue reading

i choose you

“I choose you.”

Those words left my mouth as I drove home, having left behind me another opportunity to compromise my relationship with God. This particular opportunity involved sex with someone who is becoming increasing special and significant to me; the temptation to take something for my own pleasure and fulfillment is REAL.

Let me back up though because this post is less about the whole “waiting until marriage” thing and more about making significant choices. Continue reading

i believe i can fly

I believe I can fly.

Over a year ago, I shared here that I was in a cocoon, and since then, I’ve sought to share in so many ways how I am changing completely. However, this change isn’t trivial or superficial– this is metamorphosis. This is me transforming from a grounded caterpillar into a liberated butterfly. It’s kind of a big deal.

Well now, I have exited the cocoon, and I am me. I see myself and think “This is me as I was created to be. This is me becoming who I have always been. This is REALLY me.”

Continue reading