ending this blog

I’m ending this blog.

When I started it, I felt unheard and misunderstood, and those feelings were heavy burdens I carried. After plenty of encouragement to write more, I hoped that “Such Is Life” would give me a platform to unburden myself, to say what I needed to say, and to make more public sense of my private experiences. I figured I had the scoop and just needed to let folks in on it.

Now, three years have passed, and I am embracing the notion that I’ve said enough for now, and there are two guiding thoughts that lead me to step away. Continue reading


i choose you

“I choose you.”

Those words left my mouth as I drove home, having left behind me another opportunity to compromise my relationship with God. This particular opportunity involved sex with someone who is becoming increasing special and significant to me; the temptation to take something for my own pleasure and fulfillment is REAL.

Let me back up though because this post is less about the whole “waiting until marriage” thing and more about making significant choices. Continue reading

even when you are different

“Even when you are different… Jesus loves you.”

That was one of the special messages this past week at my church’s Vacation Bible School, and I immediately thought about my experiences with gender and sexuality in this life I’m living. I couldn’t help but agree that I’m a bit different.

There are several words that I could use in place of “different.” It’s a nice reminder and encouragement to know that regardless of the chosen word, the statement is still accurate. Jesus still loves no matter what. Continue reading

waiting until marriage

I’m not waiting until marriage anymore.

To be clear, I specifically mean that I am not abstaining from sex on the rationale that I should wait until I am married. I don’t disagree with this nor do I intend to start having sex with the next person that shows me some interest, and I’m not thinking less of sex—I actually think about sex a lot and regard it very highly.

I can promise though that my reasons for not having sex from here on out are going to have less to do with this whole waiting thing. That logic just isn’t working anymore.

What I need is a renewed perspective about sex, one that can be tested and pass. Continue reading

what i really want

I know what I really want.

It’s taken me some time, but I have known for a while now but have been unsure of how to articulate it and doubtful that others would understand, empathize, agree, etc. In the past, I have done a great job of writing in circles; hopefully, this is clear and straight to the point. Continue reading

the importance of empathy

“The importance of empathy” is the title of the speech that never was.

I had sought to give this speech at my graduation ceremony (I just got my Masters in Counseling), but alas, I wasn’t selected. My counseling program is under UNCG’s School of Education, so the speech was written for an audience of educators. Of course, I made some minor adjustments given the shift in context for my blog, but the heart of the message and the spirit in which it was constructed are still the same. Special acknowledgments for all those who work in education!

Anyway, here’s the one insight I wanted to leave on that graduation day that I will leave here in its slightly revised form: the importance of empathy. Continue reading

pursuit of holiness

My pursuit of holiness has been a dynamic and complex process of rising and falling, a process to which I committed right before my 13th birthday.

Back then, I would have described this pursuit in terms of being a good person and doing the right thing. There’s a scripture that says, “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness…” and that was me. I started reading my Bible beyond Sunday mornings, thinking about the meaning of worship songs, and sharing my faith with others.

By high school, several kids had deemed me “the church boy,” one of whom I will call John. Continue reading

when people ask

I like it when people ask me questions and are genuinely interested in what I have to say.

When I was in middle school, classmates would often ask me “are you gay?” in between periods, during lunch, on the school bus, really anywhere time would allow. Though I don’t believe they meant harm, it often felt like they just wanted to confirm their rumors and suspicions of me and my non-heterosexuality based on my less than masculine qualities.

I hated it every time. Continue reading

none of these things

I am none of these things: heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, heteroflexible, bicurious, or whatever sexual orientation label in use. I repeat. I am none of these things.

Usually nowadays, when someone talks about being anything other than straight, folks think simply that the person is coming out. And that makes a lot of sense given how many conversations about sexuality tend to go.

I invite you to read on and see how I unpack that first statement. Please allow me to reveal to you what has been revealed to me because for me, this is way more than another person “coming out the closet.” Continue reading

this heart of mine

This heart of mine is really something, and as much as I love it, it can really suck. Let me elaborate.

As I understand, feelings and emotions are all matters of the heart. And I said this last time and I’ll say it again. My feelings and emotions will have me everywhere and nowhere all at once.

For me, there isn’t a problem of emotional access. My counseling program has been great for that; I’m extra aware of my feelings. My trouble comes in with emotional management. Continue reading